the urge for connection

happy new year! hope you all are having a great year. here's a piece of my mind i've been yearning to write on.

we all carry the same pain - longing for connection. it's not just about being seen or understood but rather being heard. each one of us craves for someone who gets us, who knows the things we don't say out loud, who likes the parts of us we hide from the world, and meets us at the places no one else did.

from the moment we begin to understand ourselves, we look for our mirror in others. sometimes it's a friendship, sometimes more. a real connection feels like what truly binds us - the deepest of all with a promise that among the chaos in life, someone's willing to defy the uncertainty of everything else. that someone will be there.

with this urge comes a struggle. they're not easy to do. they ask more from us than we often know how to give. they ask for patience when we feel hurried, vulnerability when we feel guarded, and effort when we're drained. especially when the odds are stacked against us and distance becomes the silent antagonist, it's even harder.

long distance relationships are brutal in ways that defy explanation. they turn time into an enemy and distance into a silent predator. the good moments, a phone call, a visit become oxygen. but the gaps between those moments? they choke you. distance has its way of amplifying everything.

you try, of course. calls, messages, plans, anything to keep the thread from fraying. you wonder if you're doing enough, if they're doing enough, if enough even exists. it's the little things that hurt the most. not being there with them for every tiny detail of their life, the grocery runs, the late night talks, the shared silence. those things seem small until they're missing, and then their absence feels like an open wound.

you try to fill the space with texts, calls, and promises. but lets be real: no number of good morning or "i miss you" texts can replace the comfort of someone sitting beside you. distance strips relationships of immediacy. it puts everything you have to say on a delay, making even the most heartfelt moments feel half lived.

what's worse is the doubt. the voice in the back of your head asking: am i enough? are they enough? are we strong enough? it's exhausting. you're caught in this loop of fighting for something you can't hold, and sometimes, you wonder if the fight is worth it.

here's the thing: connection isn't just hard - it's humbling. wanting someone the way you want air, and knowing you can't have them fully, is a vulnerability most of us don't know how to sit with. distance magnifies everything. every little misunderstanding feels bigger. every missed call feels deliberate. and no matter how much effort you put in, you're constantly aware of the odds against you.

and then there's the other side: the guilt. the crushing guilt of not always being able to show up for them the way they need you to. you tell yourself it's the distance, but deep down, you wonder if you're just not enough. yet, you keep trying. because even though the struggle sometimes feels like it's killing you, letting go would be worse.

here's the hard truth: the urge for connection will break you before it makes you whole. it exposes every crack in your armor, every insecurity you've tried to bury. it forces you to confront the parts of yourself you'd rather ignore, your fears, your weaknesses, your capacity for pain. this brings even the strongest to the knees, and it's all about surrendering yourself to the other person and blindly trusting them. with the right person, it's always wins and positive growth.

connection is both the thing that wrecks you and the thing that saves you. it's the one force in life that reminds you that even in your most vulnerable moments, you're not alone. and let's not sugarcoat it, relationships aren't for the faint of heart. they demand more from you than you think you can give. they ask you to show up when you're exhausted, to stay soft when you feel like hardening, and to keep believing when every voice in your head tells you to stop.

it's going to test your patience, your resilience, your willingness to keep trying. and it's never one-sided; it requires a mutual effort, a shared commitment to deal with it. because if only one person is carrying the weight, it will break. and if you can't show up for each other - not just once, but consistently, you might as well leave. love, without balance, without consideration, without reciprocity, is not love. it's a slow unraveling.

what makes connection so painful is the trying. it's the effort to hold onto something fragile, to keep the thread from snapping under the weight of life's chaos.

in long distance relationships, you're constantly battling against time and space, and sometimes, it feels like the world is conspiring to pull you apart. you pour yourself into the fight, hoping it will be enough. but deep down, you know there's no guarantee. what's even harder is knowing that love isn't always fair. you can do everything right and still end up on the losing side. and yet, you keep going. because what's the alternative? giving up on connection entirely? that's not a life, it's survival at best.

despite all of this, we keep reaching, we keep hoping. because connection, even at its hardest, is what makes life worth living. it's the moments of clarity amidst the chaos. the nights spent talking until dawn. the feeling of being understood, even if only for a moment.

here's the thing: connection isn't about perfection. it's not about always saying the right thing or being there at the right time. it's about showing up, flawed and messy, and saying, i'm here. i'm trying. yes, it's hard but it also heals. it reminds you that you're human, that you're capable of love and effort and hope. it teaches you to be vulnerable, to trust, and to keep going even when the odds aren't in your favor.

the urge for connection is universal because it's the one thing that makes life feel less lonely. even when it breaks us, even when it tests us, we keep reaching. because deep down, we know that connection - true connection is worth every ounce of effort.

in the end, it's not about whether the odds are in your favor. it's about showing up anyway and fighting for something that matters, even when it hurts. because when you do connect, you feel that spark of understanding, that unspoken bond. it's life.

for my partner, apoorva ❤️